Front Matter - Part 09

Several times after he’d gone to bed and wasn’t yet in a deep sleep, Carl noticed his mother come into his room, with eyes full of love, and look at his face... He felt sorry for her... He didn’t know how he could refrain from getting up and giving her a big hug. But he didn’t want her to know that he knew what she was doing. He wanted to let that be their secret.

Everything there seemed interesting to Carl. How everything was laid out in his mother’s house. How they cooked. How his aunts talked to each other. Of all the people there, he found his grandmother to be the most interesting person... He imagined this grandmother here and the one in Germany sitting together side by side and thought it was very funny... How different they were?! Carl was afraid of his grandmother in Cologne, even though he’d grown up in the same house with her. He felt that she didn’t love him. Sometimes it even seemed to him that she hated him... That she would do something bad to him. He never told his father about this and how he felt. He didn’t want to upset him. After all, she was his mother.

He was never sure if Marsha loved him or not but he knew she cared for him. Sometimes he seemed to be a burden to her and other times she seemed attached to him. His father felt that Marsha loved both of them equally; Carl and his younger brother. Carl was convinced of that.

Carl’s fifteen day stay in Macedonia passed quickly. The visit for Maria was too short... Even Carl didn’t feel like leaving... So he asked Maria to take him to the post office so that he could talk to his father and Marsha. Maria didn’t think that he would ask them to give him permission to stay longer. When she heard him ask that Maria was afraid Hellwig would think that she was behind this. But his father’s answer was categorical. He was to return home as planned! Hellwig told him he would be waiting for him at the airport the next day. Carl was disappointed. At that point Maria embraced him and said:

“Don’t worry, it will be easier this way. Your father and Marsha will know that we abided by our agreement. Be assured we will see each other again… During the summer holidays perhaps? We’ll convince your father to let you stay for a month.

Carl hugged Maria with both arms. This was the first time he’d hugged her since he’d come here. She hugged him back and gave him a kiss.

“I beg you, please don’t cry,” he said looking at her.

Maria quickly wiped away her tears.

“I am happy, that’s why I’m crying,” she whispered into his ear and hugged him again.

“I really want to come back again. It’s different here from Germany... Here... I met many children in a short time. Even older children. I don’t have anyone to hang out with in Germany. We don’t visit anyone and nobody visits us... You’re also very nice to me! And so is Grandma... And my aunts... And even Elena… She loves me too...” said Carl.

“I bet your father is nice to you...?” said Maria looking a bit anxious.

Maria was afraid that Carl would ask her why she had left Hellwig if he was such a good person. She could hardly explain her reasons. Carl was too young to understand. She had a question for him which she was dying to ask:

“Your grandparents in Germany, are they in good health?”

Carl grimaced a bit like he didn’t want to talk about them and said:

“Yes, they’re in good health...”

He then stopped talking. He didn’t want to tell Maria that he wasn’t very close to them… Or to Marsha.

Carl then said: “My grandparents enter the house from another entrance, other than the one we use. They did this so that we don’t run into them.”

From what she heard, Maria understood a lot. She figured they weren’t on good terms with their new daughter-in-law either. That’s why they had to partition the house and enter from a different entrance... Even the German woman wasn’t good enough for them. Good for her. She fixed them nicely... thought Maria in an evil way.

“Do you love your brother? You must be very happy to have a brother!” said Maria.

“Philip? Yes. He is so cute...” replied Carl.

“Who does your father love more? You or Philip?” asked Maria.

“He loves us both...” replied Carl.

“And Marsha?” she asked.

Carl paused for a moment to think about it.

“Both of us,” he said firmly, wishing that she would stop asking questions like that. He then said “I want to buy a gift for Philip... Will you help me find one?”

“Of course... I will buy it for him,” she said.

“No, I want it to be from me,” Carl was adamant.

Then they went shopping together.

Maria couldn’t believe that she was able to part with her son at the airport and accept this as being completely normal. He had been here. He would now go and finish his school year. Then he would come back again... In a few months. They would correspond. Every year he would grow older and understand more.

And that’s exactly what happened. Maria’s life was filled with joy. She was also happy to work in the library, which soon became a real rehabilitation corner for the sick. Maria wasn’t just a librarian. She became the doctor’s right hand in returning his patients to normal life.

In addition to offering books, conversation about books and various other topics organized in the reading room, the library soon received a gift. A charity donated a television and an assortment of videos.

Everyone was happy. The doctor and Maria were in charge of the programs that were shown to the patients. Strict control had to be exercised.

Maria found a book in the library that showed how to make a variety of household items. She suggested that doctor organize a workshop for those who wanted to work with their hands. She was also involved in organizing cultural and artistic programs in the hospital.

* * *

Carl’s next visit lasted longer. Almost the entire summer vacation. It was impossible to say who was happier - Maria or Carl. They even went for a short stay in a beautiful city with a wonderful lake.

Hellwig had given Carl a lot of money. So they could vacation freely without worrying about expenses. Elena joined them. She wanted to be with them as long as possible, to enjoy Maria’s happy days.

That’s when Elena confided in Maria and told her that she was going to marry her colleague who had driven them around. For some time Maria had suspected that. She liked him a lot. He was modest and of good character. She wished her best friend a successful marriage and much happiness...

Carl came to see his mother more and more often and stayed with her longer. It often seemed to Marsha that one day Maria would keep him permanently. Marsha felt that even Carl himself might not want to return to her... Carl tried very hard not to bother Marsha. He often helped her with chores. He looked after Philip whom he loved very much. In time Marsha herself became aware that she was so attached to Carl that it wouldn’t be easy for her if one day he didn’t return from those trips visiting his mother.

“It seems to me that you are very happy going to Skopje. You stay there for a very long time. Will you, one day, remain there permanently?” asked Marsha.

Carl looked at her angrily. He was almost twelve years old. Was she telling him what to do?

“Marsha it’s really nice there. The people there are cordial and love to be with each other. Mostly the children,” replied Carl.

After that there was silence.

“Both my grandmother and aunts are very nice to me. All my relatives there love me very much,” added Carl.

He was silent again for a long time.

“Doesn’t your mother want you to remain with her permanently?” asked Marsha.

“No, she wants to keep her word… that I will return as agreed. She doesn’t want to upset my father,” replied Carl.

“And you, do you want to stay?” she asked.

“I really want to be with that mother but... I’ll never leave my father... or my brother,” replied Carl.

This time Carl was silent for the longest time.

“I don’t want to leave you either... you looked after me... for many years,” added Carl.

At that moment Marsha started to have regrets... How could she talk like that to the child…? How young he was when Hellwig had brought him here... She gave him a hug. Carl hugged her back.

Carl started to realize that he would never leave his father’s house permanently... He also realized that he could never give up on his mother... Maria...