Front Matter - Part 04

He was an architect. The girl loved the young man very much...

When she married him they lived a very happy life. But unfortunately it didn’t last long. A bad thing happened; it was worse than the girl could imagine. Several years passed and no children were born. The doctors determined that the young woman would never be able to give birth to a child. She couldn’t imagine a more terrible punishment than that, especially since she loved children more than anything in the world. Gradually she became aware that she and her husband would never be happy because of that terrible truth, no matter how much they loved each other. They didn’t spare spending money looking for a cure. Her husband took her to see many doctors and got her all kinds of medicine from all over the world. But all this was in vain. Nothing helped.

Finally the truth came out. It was the hardest thing she’d ever heard.

A well-known doctor told her that treatment was unnecessary because her deficiency, for which she couldn’t have children, had been there since she was born and couldn’t be removed with any medicine.

Then came her biggest disappointment. She didn’t tell her husband but, deep down in her soul, she began to think about leaving him.

She wanted to leave her husband precisely because she loved him very much and because he was a good man and deserved better. If I was punished by my fate not to have children of my own, the woman thought, at least let him have his. Why should he be a victim of my tragedy?” It became clear to me that with every word Vera uttered, this was her story and at times I wanted to stop her from telling it. It was all so painful, and her face was so sad, her lips quivered and it seemed to me like she would burst into tears at any moment. Eli, I believed, didn’t fully understand all these things, but since she was also sad I realized that she felt how we felt.

“The poor young woman fought with herself for a long time wondering whether to tell her husband openly that she wanted to separate from him or just tell him she no longer loved him,” continued Vera, pausing a little, as if to gather her strength. “If she’d told him that she wanted to separate from him she knew that her husband wouldn’t let her. So she began to pretend that she’d stopped loving him; that she couldn’t live with him. She even went to stay with her parents for ten days several times but then returned to him again.

At first her husband was surprised by her actions. Then he seemed to come to terms with them and told her that he didn’t want to force her to live with him if she didn’t love him anymore. He suffered greatly because of all that. Of course, all of this was painful for her too but she didn’t want to give up her idea and was determined to have him leave her and establish his own home in which he could have children.

When she decided to leave him permanently and stay with her parents she fell physically ill and it took a long time to recover. At that point she realized that she was left not only without children but also without her loved one. She fought with herself for a long time, wondering if she’d done the right thing.

Her husband was deeply affected by all this. He might have even have guessed the real reason why she’d left him but he never questioned it. It is certain that somewhere deep in his soul a doubt was born and eventually he figured out the truth, but it was too late.

Even though they were separated for almost an entire year he still tried to convince her to come back to him but it was in vain. She didn’t tell anyone the whole truth about what made her act this way, not even her mother.

Before telling her he was getting married he spoke to her one more time, begging her to reconsider. Then, when she rejected him that time she realized that she would be alone forever, without her loved one and without children.

As hard as it was for her to see him married and living with another woman, she expressed joy and sadness at the same time. Then she found out that the following year that he’d had a son. This was made possible only because she loved him and the son he had, in her mind, was somehow also her son, to whom she should have some right. Many times she wanted to go to their house, take the child in her arms and hug him. But that would be unfair to his real mother and she would probably not understand her motives. So she didn’t do it. She accepted the fact that the child belonged to his father and mother and not to her. As a result she suffered even more,” Vera’s face was now full of despair, visible even in the semi-dark room lit by a dim night lamp.

“It was during that time that the terrible earthquake took place. The moment the woman freed herself from her own house, she ran as fast as she could to the house where her ex-husband lived with his wife and child. She was overjoyed when she found them alive and well. Then she immediately left, not wanting to be seen.

Then, in all those terrible days that followed when the radio began to broadcast the names of those who had died in the earthquake, she was horrified to hear the name of one of her classmates from the time before she enrolled in the teacher’s school. She knew that she, her friend, had graduated from the school of economics and worked in the bank. Indeed, they hadn’t seen each other for a very long time, but she knew that she was married and had two children. Her heart sank when she read the tragic news about the death of her friend in the newspaper. When she read the names of her children who were now without a mother her heart was deeply carved. She felt very sorry for them being left without their mother, just when they needed her the most. Those days were sad for all the people and terrible for the children.

The woman became very restless. Shouldn’t she find her classmate’s children and help them? That thought haunted her constantly. She had no peace.

One day she decided to go to the cemetery where the victims of the earthquake were buried. But that was the time when many of the families had taken their dead and buried them in their own cemeteries. She found her classmate was no longer there, in the common cemetery. The woman walked around the cemetery looking for a long time but it was all in vain.

She thought of writing in the newspaper that she was looking for the children of her classmate who had died but that would have been awkward.

Her loneliness and desire to have children by her side, to take care of once again, made her walk through the cemetery, hoping to find some kind of clue. Then something happened that only happened in stories. She ran into a man who was carrying a bucket of water from the tap to a grave, probably to wash it, or to water the flowers. She stopped him and asked, “Excuse me Sir, there was a woman buried near here who died in the earthquake. She worked in the bank. Do you by any chance know what happened to her?” She then told him her first and last name. The man looked at her with a surprised look and said: “How do you know that woman? She was my friend and also my wife.” Then the woman who’d asked the question and was also surprised, followed the man to his wife’s grave. Although she hadn’t seen her in a long time, the woman recognized her friend from the picture on the white marble monument. She began to cry hard. In those terrible days of the earthquake, people even cried for complete strangers, neither seen nor heard, it was a terrible time. Her dead friend’s husband also began to cry.” Listening to Vera’s story I felt myself crying silently with bitter tears.

“Then,” continued Vera, “she told him about being friends with his friend and how difficult it was for them to separate when they decided to go to different schools. After that the two women saw each other less and less and that’s how life separated them.” After some time the woman visited her friend’s grave several times but she didn’t see her husband there. When she did see him it was inappropriate for her to ask him who took care of his children, or to find a way to suggest that she should help them. She figured that they had close relatives who were there for them during those difficult times.

Then there was another coincidence. Her friend’s husband came to the printing house, where she was a proofreader, to do business. She worked there temporarily after the earthquake because most schools were destroyed. There he gave her the address of his house and invited her to his home to meet his children. This was difficult for her so she put off going. But the more she put off going the more difficult it was for her to go.

When she saw those children for the first time, about whom she’d thought for so long, she realized that she could fall in love with them. But she didn’t know if they would love her back. She wanted to be there in place of their mother because she knew that no one could completely take the place of their real mother. She wanted the children to love her for who she was and not necessarily as their mother. This way they would feel less than being completely without a mother and her less without children.

The children’s father seemed to think that this particular woman would be able to love them and take care of them. So the man and the woman decided to start a new life together. One day they got together and began to grow their relationship.

Then one day when the woman ran into her ex-husband with his son and daughter, she proudly showed him her two already grown up daughters. They really were her daughters. Weren’t they? At least that’s how the woman felt about them with all her heart. And they too, the woman thought, also loved her as a mother, as another mother?” Eli and I, as if by agreement, burst out and hugged our mother Vera tightly, crying together with her.

I knew that our three hearts were beating together, loudly at that moment; something which I would never forget. There and then I knew that my feeling for that other mother would in no way ever hurt the feeling of the mother who gave us birth, who we’d lost in such a tragic way. Both Eli and I now carry two mothers in our hearts, the one who gave birth to us and the other who helped us grow into real people. I think that would be fair to both.