THE WAR AS IF IT WAS THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY

THE WAR AS IF IT WAS THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY

It seemed like Kostadin Tsrnodenov died suddenly, like he was run over by a boulder that had slipped from the hands of a frail martyr who was unable to hold it back. He kept looking at it rolling back but was unable to stop it… until it hit the bottom of the abyss… War for Kostadin Tsrnodenov was something like that, which left scars that now make him see his own life as the enemy...

Tsrnodenov is abroad all alone with only his feelings and sometimes with despair scratching at his life and at the time in 1947, which he sprinkled with his own blood.

After the war Kostadin Tsrnodenov remained in treatment at the Zgorzelets city hospital. Several plastic surgeries had to be performed on his face because he had deep scars from a blast he received during the war. He carries the scar with him everywhere he goes and feels its pain. The pain is strongest when he thinks of his life, his wife Rumena, their life together… which crashed as a result of this patched up ugly face.

When the war ended Rumena Tsrnodenova went on living her life in anticipation... But she never anticipated that war could bring so much evil, devastation and eternal pain. She served in the Trauma units to the last moments, along with others, carrying wounded from the front to the hospital.

Rumena was a beautiful woman, stout with rosy cheeks, a real country girl. That’s how Kostadin Tsrnodenov remembered her.

One day fate called upon Kostadin to return. Remembering his old life, with aroused old desires, he landed in the city and was placed in a shelter in “Chair”.

When he arrived he was met by people with whom he had lived in Poland. It became a habit for these people to come out and welcome new arrivals. They were always interested to know what was happening with the people they left behind.

“Welcome Kostadin,” said one of the oldest residents from barrack number four.

“Thank you, Ioshe...” he replied. “It was difficult living alone abroad... All our lives they trample on us and humiliate us because we are foreigners…” he added.

“Here we are all the same… We are with my own people even though we came here from all corners of the world, Poland, Russia, Romania, Czechoslovakia, Hungary and elsewhere...” said Ioshe.

“I am glad to hear that, Ioshe...” replied Kostadin.

“Kostadin, have you met any of your relatives yet?” asked Ioshe and then said: “I have no one… I am living alone…”

“No, Ioshe. I have not seen any of my relatives. I too have no one…” Kostadin replied.

“No one Kostadin?” Ioshe asked sounding surprised. “For us it seems like the war was over yesterday. Our fate has gifted us these shelters… They are now our eternal homes,” added Ioshe.

Kostadin left and walked down the long hallway. He did not want to talk any more.

He lived alone and alienated. One thought was constantly biting him: “I will blacken Rumena’s youth. She needs to find a nice man. Surely she has received the letter and believes I am dead. If I contact her she will probably accept me and I will make her life a living hell. She will want to get out and meet people… and me with this face…? Let her get married and after that I will contact our child...”

He inquired about his son and found out that he was enrolled in “May 9” elementary school. He found out from the other children who his son was; the child named Tsrnodenov. He watched his son from afar. He could not stand not seeing him every day. He bought a huge chocolate bar wishing to give it to him but he did not want anyone to see him. One day he came closer. He held out his hand and gave it to him. The boy looked at him with fear in his eyes!

“What’s your name, boy?” Kostadin asked.

“Mitko Tsrnodenov,” answered the boy.

“Mitko?” he asked.

“Yes!” said the boy

“Do you have parents, Mitko?” he asked.

“Just a mother,” answered the boy.

“Only a mother? Where is your father?” Kostadin asked.

“I don’t know. My mother says he will return... A woman once said that he might be dead. We have not heard from him to this day…” answered the boy.

“Dead?” he asked.

“That’s what the woman said...” replied the boy.

At that moment the bell rang and boy ran into the school.

Kostadin Tsrnodenov went back to shelter number four.

When he went home Mitko told his mother about meeting and talking to an ugly man.

Rumena became excited and frightened. She was afraid she might also lose her child.

“Who might this damn man be…? Why is he circling only around my boy?” she kept thinking. The next day she decided to hide and see who this man was and what he wanted from her child.

Kostadin could not wait to go and see Mitko again… to talk to his son, to caress him...

But on his way he saw Rumena from the distance. He did not want to reveal himself to her. Not after he sent her that letter… he definitely did not want to...

Rumena was not only angry but also curious to find out who this man was, so she hid and waited. Seeing that she was gone, Kostadin continued to walk towards the school. When she saw that the stranger was Kostadin her heart began to pound wildly. She found it hard to believe it was him. She kept asking herself: “Can he be Kostadin? It can’t be! Can it be…? No, it can not be Kostadin!?”

But it was him, a tall, blond man clumsily looking around. When he saw her and saw that she was looking right at him, his face lit up.

“Rumena!” he cried out and ran towards her. They met in the school yard. Every nerve in their bodies was tense. Rumena could not contain herself.

“Rumena! What is it?” he asked anxiously. Then he remembered. “Yes, she was not supposed to see me like this. She was disappointed by my ugliness…” he thought and wanted to run away.

Kostadin took a few steps away from Rumena.

“It’s him! It’s him, Kostadin!” she said to herself and then yelled out:

“Don’t run away! It’s you! Why are you running away from me?”

He stopped, bowed his head and stood there with his back to her.

“I waited for you! Everyone was telling me you were dead. Who was the bastard who wrote me that you were dead?” she asked.

“It was me, Rumena… look at me… what I look like... Look at me… You wouldn’t want me like this… Do you?” he asked.

She was silent. She looked like she wanted to say: “I don’t know what to do... It is impossible for me to decide! Oh, Kostadin! This is

not just a bad dream? What is happening to me? What does life want from me...? I need to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’...” but she said nothing.

Kostadin kept looking at her wistfully. Rumena felt an irresistible urge to know what he was thinking. Kostadin did not like it when someone showed compassion for him. He was a proud man but he could not always show his pride with this kind of face.

Rumena was suffering. Kostadin looked at her with compassion and lovingly smiled. She was ready to throw her arms around him. “Yes, it’s him,” she said out loud and all negative thoughts suddenly vaporized.

“Is this why you have been hiding all these years?” she asked and quickly added, “For me you are handsome. I love you for your heart, which has remained the same and I believe it still has a place for me… Right Kostadin!?”

He smiled and hugged her. Rumena puckered her lips to kiss him but felt a void in her mouth, dry scars, traces from the iron pieces that had cut up his face.

Rumena pressed his head against her heart and proudly cried. She then kissed him on the head, on the forehead, on the eyes and thought to herself: “Where is your beauty Kostadin? They all looked at your face and not my happiness…” She kept looking at him then asked:

“Why did you want to run away from me?”

“But I came back Rumena. I hope that there is a place for me here?” he replied barely audibly when he saw her moist eyes.

“Yes, Kostadin you are still mine. The war has punished you badly but has given me back my joy...” she said.

Kostadin then hugged her and told her about the letter and how much it pained him to have to send it to her.

They both took little Mitko by the hand and went home.

When Mitko saw them sitting side by side, and his mother being so cheerful, he was left with a particular impression. He got closer to Kostadin, looked at him as if wanting to say:

“Forgive me father for running away from you...”